Pain and Anger as Fuel

On the list of negative emotions that I’ve tried to cope with for most of my life, anger has always been suspect number one. I was angry all the time growing up. That anger was most likely a coping mechanism; I had no idea how to deal with feelings like sadness or rejection, so everything I felt was converted into a seething rage that controlled most of my actions. As you can probably guess, this made life pretty difficult for myself and the people around me.

The past three years for me have largely been about minimizing anger’s control over my life. And through things like mindfulness and meditation, I’ve done a great job of it. Anger has become less and less prevalent in my daily life, and when it does appear, I’m able to let it go quickly.

That is, until now.

This weekend brought with it the end of a relationship that meant a lot to me, and for the first time in what seems like ages, I’m filled with a mixture of pain and anger that rivals even my worse days growing up. The logical part of my brain tells me that this anger is uncalled for. Relationships end, people move on, that’s just part of life. But despite knowing this on an intellectual level, I just can’t stop seeing red.

In the past, I would have looked at my current emotional state as something to be avoided. I know intimately the negative effects that unchecked anger can have, and the last thing I want to do is repeat old patterns. Yet I’ve also learned that trying to resist emotions only makes them stronger. So I’m going to take a different approach this time. I’m going to use the pain and the rage I’m feeling as fuel.

In some ways, this might be exactly what I need at this point in my life. Despite the positive changes I’ve made recently, I still struggle to find the motivation to go all out when it comes to my goals, and one of the side-effects of intense anger is the surge of energy that comes with it. In the past, I would have used that energy to try and break something. I would have channeled it in a destructive way.

While I still feel like breaking things, I know it’s within my power to control how I use that energy. I can use it constructively. I can use it to push myself harder than ever before. I can use it to create an even better life for myself.

Of course, anger isn’t the most healthy or sustainable motivator. It’s definitely not something I want to rely on in the long-term. But it’s what I’m feeling at the moment, and I can either resist it or embrace it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two Keys to Finding Motivation

img_20161005_192604

In my last post, I mentioned some of my doubts about being able to handle my workload this year. In the two days since writing that I picked up a third private English lesson and a fourth is in the works. This extra work hasn’t eased those doubts, but my determination to crush it this year remains strong.

If I’m being honest, my newfound motivation is a little shocking to me. This time last year I was doing my best to avoid hard work, and finding any kind of lasting motivation seemed like a battle I was destined to lose. Yet now I’m  filled with a burning desire to make the most out of my life.

How did I get to this point?

Starting this blog last April was the spark that lit the fuse. Since then, my motivation and ambitions have both grown exponentially. To get more specific, though, here are two different focuses that have fueled this change.

  1. A focus on doing
  2. A focus on giving

A Focus on Doing

“Personal power is the ability to take action.”

– Tony Robbins

I’ve been a thinker for most of my life. I like to think about all the things I want to accomplish and how I might accomplish them. I make plans and imagine different scenarios. I think, and I think, and I think.

For years I wondered why I could never create any lasting change in my life. I had so many great plans and even more theories on how to accomplish them. But the plans always seemed to stay plans, never coming to fruition.

It’s obvious now, but my problem was that I never acted on those plans.

Thinking about what I wanted to accomplish was easier than actually trying to accomplish it. There was no risk of discomfort or failure. Plus, indulging in all that mental masturbation was like a dopamine hit for my brain. I could take pleasure in my potential without having to work to fulfill it.

If taking action was so difficult for me, then how did I even start this blog?

I guess I had a momentary convergence of inspiration and motivation. I was also extremely dissatisfied with my life at the time, and taking action seemed to be the only way out of that negative space. Either way, I’m really grateful that I was able to take that initial step.

Since starting this blog I’ve experienced the rewards that taking action can offer. I’d like to write a more in-depth post about them, so I’ll just talk about the biggest one for now: momentum. The most amazing thing about taking action – even if it’s something small like choosing a WordPress theme for your new blog – is that it provides the fuel for even more action.

It’s a matter of inertia. An object at rest isn’t going to move unless something makes it. But when something is moving, it’s not going to stop unless something forces it too.  So now that I’m taking action on a daily basis, I can hardly imagine stopping. Each action fills me with inspiration and motivation to take even more action.

This doesn’t mean each day has to be filled to the brim with activity, though. Some days I only get one or two important things done. But just a little bit of action on a daily basis helps me maintain my forward momentum. Plus, as the momentum builds, the amount and intensity of my actions also increase.

P.s. – Watching this video also helps get me in the “doing” mindset.

A Focus On Giving

“Strive constantly to serve the welfare of the world; by devotion to selfless work one attains the supreme goal of life. Do your work with the welfare of others always in your mind.”

– Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 3, Verse 19)

For all my talk about doing, staying motivated can still be a struggle at times. I experience this most when it comes to teaching English, probably because I’m not as passionate about teaching as I am about writing and creating. Still, it’s something I’ve committed to doing (and it gives me a paycheck), so staying motivated in this area is really important to me.

This is where a focus on giving comes into play.

I first discovered this powerful idea when I read the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Hindu spiritual text. The Bhagavad Gita talks about selfless service, which means acting for the benefit of others without the expectation of any reward.

It’s not so much about being the next Mother Teresa or even making sure all your actions directly help someone. What it’s really about is the mindset you have while taking action.

I’ll use teaching English as an example. There are two ways I could look at it:

  1. I’m teaching because I want the opportunity to live abroad and make money while doing it, or…
  2. I’m teaching because I want to help students learn and improve their English. I want to have a positive impact on as many students as possible.

Both of these statements contain some truth. Teaching is by no means my greatest passion, and I mainly decided to do because it was the easiest way to move my life abroad. At the same time, I do genuinely want to help my students, even if I don’t feel overly qualified to do so.

My natural tendency is to approach my work with the first mindset. This means viewing each day of work as a necessary duty so that I can live in Spain. As you can imagine, this makes work feel like a chore, which then makes me less likely to stay motivated.

Things become a lot easier when I approach my job with the second mindset. Instead of viewing work as a chore, I look at it as an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of students. This has been like finding a hidden stockpile of energy. I can now bring the same amount of passion to my teaching as I do to my more creative endeavors.

It takes discipline, but I’ve found there’s always a way to think about an activity in terms of benefiting others. Take working out consistently for example. By being in great physical shape you’ll have more energy to help others, you’ll be in a better mood which will rub off on others, and you can set a positive example for the people closest to you. This is a really basic example but you get the idea.

 

Note: I don’t want to give the impression that I’ve got this motivation thing all figured out. What I’ve written here is just what has helped me on my journey so far, and I hope it can help you with any motivational struggles you might be facing as well. Thanks for reading!